Happy Birthday, Nanay

 

Today would have been my mother’s eighty second birthday.   Just like any another Filipino, she made it a point to make pansit during occasions like these.   Pansit, which is a Filipino noodle dish, is mostly eaten at birthday celebrations in the hope of celebrating more of it.   Little did we know that the pansit she ate last year would be her last one.   So much for misleading superstitions.    In any case, she still cooked the dish even if she was the main celebrant.   Her hobby was cooking.  This was how she would usually pass time especially after she migrated to the US.   She did not have much to do being stuck at home.   Hindi pwedeng nakaupo lang s’ya buong araw (She cannot be idle the whole day), hence she diverted all her energy in the kitchen and perfected Filipino dishes, even those complicated ones.  She became famous for her pork barbecue on skewers and crispy Okoy- a dish I dare not mess with because it is labor intensive and involves complex processes that I don’t have any patience for.  

Nanay always had reasons to cook pansit or okoy and celebrate different milestones of our family’s life-  her sibling’s birthday, the death anniversary of our dog, or my sister’s first gold medal in Math.    Because of these, she remembered the important dates so she could have an excuse to create a very good dish.   

The downside of being a cook for our family was that she was feeding very critical mouths.  Kapag hindi masarap ang pagkain, lahat kami nagiging food critics (When a dish was not good, all of us became food critics) - reviews were brutal and sugar-coating was not on our vocabulary.   In contrast, we were also modest at giving compliments (unlike my co-workers who will summersault for some lumpia that I would bring to the office for potlucks).   We would just say ”delicious” and that was mostly the approval she would get.   We’d then tell her to better stick to the recipe because we knew for a fact that she would not.  Nanay liked to experiment- her kitchen was her lab.  The nastiness of our comments did not deter her to try new things on old techniques. 

I guess this was the measure of a great cook:  you always try something else and new.  One need not be afraid of the result, or what critics will say.   

 

Because of the above reasons, she had collected various recipes throughout the years from magazines, labels of canned goods and personal notes which she compiled on one big folder.   This was her recipe bible, and it was very systematic.    It worked to her advantage because she was a hoarder.   But an organized hoarder at that.   Once, I walked into her closet and found an array of shoe boxes with labels on each of them identifying the contents they hide- most of them I would consider junk.   I’d tell her to throw stuff away but really, nobody can ever “Marie Kondo” a Filipino mother, my Nanay included.  

Ayaw n’yang magtapon ng mga gamit kasi either may sentimental value ito, o sa tingin n’ya, ang halaga ng isang bagay ay higit pa sa actual worth nito.   (She doesn’t want to throw things away because for its sentimental reasons or because she will find use for it in the future).  

What are some of the things that I found when I was decluttering the house when she was already too weak to stop me from throwing things away?  Here were some of them:

1)     Styrofoam trays used to contain the meat from the grocery stores.   Kadalasan, ginagamit n’ya itong lalagyan nga mga hiniwa n’yang mga gulay bago n’ya ito igisa.  (She used them as plates of sliced or chopped vegetable before cooking them in the wok- like a holding dock of ingredients).  Mind you, real plates and paper plates were available but she would rather use these non-biodegradable items so she can play her part in saving the environment.   

2)     Take out containers from different restaurants.  She lived for these items especially the sturdy ones with good lids.   She re-used them as her own to-go container for food she would pack for visitors during gatherings.     I found them lined up neatly at the bottom of the cabinet where I could not see them.   She knew very well that I would flip out if I found that she was collecting “trash”.  

3)     New and unworn clothes, tags still lingering on the collar.  Most of these items did not cost more than twenty dollars.  To her, any piece of clothing more than twenty bucks was a luxury.  She thrived at Dollar Stores, Walmart and Ross.  FYI: Ross has Seniors’ discount on Tuesdays.  I learned that from her.   

4)     And speaking of Walmart, she would keep the bags from these grocery stores and fold them neatly so it could double as trash bags or find its life again as a container bag, or sometimes, a shower cap.     

5)     Believe it or not, she used to wash paper towels and hang them dry so she can re-use them again.  

Mother earth would be so proud of her for recycling items that most of us would consider garbage.   Nanay was so frugal probably because she grew up poor.   She was born during the height of the Second World War, in Bataan, Philippines, of all places, where The Death March happened.  Our grandparents told us that she was born on a boat along a secluded river while they were fleeing from the Japanese soldiers.   When they survived the war, she suffered from persistent wounds on her head, which made her bald prompting her to wear a scarf to hide the lesions.  

Who knew that many years later, she would lose her hair again from chemo for the second time in her life?

I remember when she asked me to shave her hair off because she felt so depressed everytime she saw them fall off her head in clumps.   I felt so sorry for her.    Good thing that her hair grew back again, and when it did, she saw this as a sign and hoped that she could have more years to her life.  

She told me once that even though she was ready to die, she prayed for more time here on earth.  She wanted to see Arlo in person, her youngest grandson who she only talked on video calls.   Nanay bargained for more time and more strength.    She was somehow given both, as she was able to check off things from her bucket list:   she traveled to Memphis, Tennessee to see Elvis Presly’s home, spent time on the beach at South Padre Island, visit different pilgrimage sites in Texas, and all sorts of other activities that most cancer patients would not have endurance for.   Unfortunately, strength and time were not enough.  She needed a chance- a chance to fly back home and see our family one last time before she surrendered herself to her creator.     

She prayed, as if this was also her favorite past time, and most importantly, her lifeline.   Praying was how she also killed hours sitting at the chemo chair, receiving treatment to fight off cancer.   She held on to god for strength and hope.  That’s how I think she survived the pain and loneliness of this illness.   She was very spiritual.   Most people knew that she was active in church.  At one long point in her life, she was the caretaker of our patron saint- Peter of Verona, back in the Philippines.  It was a big responsibility that required long and sometimes inconvenient hours of work.   And she loved every minute of it.  

 

I just hope that after all the things that happened to her, between the sadness and hope, the angels and saints up in paradise would have welcomed her with open arms, as if they have been expecting her long overdue return.  I also hope that they prepared her a big feast consisting of dishes she had perfected throughout the years, Okoy and pansit perhaps, and other food items she had not tried on this world while she was still alive.   She maybe looking down upon us and reassuring everyone that her pain is gone and she is happy.   I bet, up there in heaven, she has a head full of hair, no head wrap to hide any physical or emotional wounds.

 

Ngayon lang po namin na-realize na marami palang nagmamahal kay Nanay, lalo nung nagkasakit s’ya.  (We just now realize that there were so many of you who loved her so much, especially when she got sick).   This was more magnified now that she has passed away.  

We apologize if we did not disclose that she was fighting cancer since 2020 out of respect from her request.  

The amount of love and support you have showered us in the past two years, especially the last five months when she was placed under hospice care was immeasurable that there are no enough words of gratitude that can show you how we really feel.  

Thank you very much for all the financial help you have given us, and also for the comforting messages we received from different forms of media.  Thank you for all those people who lent personal items to help her out during her illness, to the physical and virtual embraces, for sharing and posting tributes to her on Facebook or Instagram, for visiting her while she was sick, for supporting my dad and my siblings, in Texas and in the Philippines; to those who took care of her, in person or even in spirit; the doctors, nurses, aides, all of our co-workers who understood our situation as we go through these difficult times.  Thank you to our families, relatives and friends who stood by us all these trying and difficulty times.   Thank you very much from the bottom of our hearts.  

I know she feels the love you had shown to her and to our family.  

Please do not forget her. 

That is how she will live forever, when you keep remembering the good times you spent with her, be it a few minutes of conversation or spending a full day in the presence of her wonderful spirit.  

This will be a good time to hoard memories of her.   Organize them in your heart, and don’t hide them inside, like the way she did with her containers at the bottom of the cabinet where no one could see them.   These memories of her are treasures that hopefully will live forever.   Share them with everyone you know, like how she shared her dishes to her friends, in gatherings like birthdays; take them home with you just like you would take home her okoy- in small to-go containers so you can enjoy them with your family.  Keep them in your heart and hopefully you will be full, not only of delicious food but also of memories and joy.  

April 30, 2023 was when she left us.   On this date, we all have an excuse to cook pansit and celebrate her new life in heaven.  

December 13 is her birthday.   I bet she is eating pansit right now with Apong San Pedro, knowing that the noodles she is enjoying is a promise of a perpetual life.  

We love you Nanay.  Happy birthday.   

Mis u ol.   

December 13, 2023