Prime and Prejudice

 

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Maybe it’s high time to address the long-standing hostility between me and Math so I can actually move on and hopefully put an end to my constant bitching about this field of science.   I promise to not bring up my revulsion to this subject after this long thesis on how I have grown to dislike it.  

 

I think everything started after my introduction to the fourth basic operation- which is division. It all happened at my third grade.  Complications arose when the numbers became more convoluted and the basic operation required a longer process, which involved figuring out the closest “divisible” number without over-estimation.  I don’t know if you get what I am saying but it really blew my mind when I learned that sometimes, the quotient could be a partial number and they would not technically be exact- meaning, numbers with multiple digits after a dot.  Math, for me, became a misrepresentation of an exact science because it was not a whole number.  I don’t even know if I am using my mathematical terms correctly, I just threw them in to make it sound like I know them, but I really don’t care if they are right or wrong at this point. 

After the concept of a number close to the “divisible” was introduced, my mind screwed up.  It got worse when fractions were presented to my innocent brain even though I have not fully recovered from dividing stuff. Why did they have to tell me about “least common denominator” when I was not yet ready to divide and conquer?    Again, “the answer” is not exact, but a close approximation of an answer.  

I wanted to show my frustration on the subject by throwing my notebook into the blackboard when the teacher was discussing these concepts but I had to restrain myself because I did not want to call everyone’s attention of how stupid I was. 

I was not sure if all my classmates understood it as most of them were quiet. The few handfuls who were reacting to my teacher were the nerds and math wizzes who would always raise their hands to solve an equation in front of the class, or when you’re in the first grade, the fastest one who answered the correct sum and made it first to the front of the room when an addition tournament is being conducted.  I pretended to understand because I did not want to be embarrassed.  And the teacher assumed everybody did. 

After that, I had a hard time catching up with the lessons because I was barely getting over with one topic when the next one that was introduced became more complex and irritating than the previous.  This became the cycle that I did not want myself to get involved in as the school year progressed. 

I realized I hated Math.  And the feeling was mutual. 

 

Then high school came along.  I met more people that were very good at the subject.  I secretly admired, and at the same time, despised them because I was envious.  Why were people not blessed equally?  Why was someone better at Math than anybody else?  I was just stuck there being stupid and average with English, or History, or Biology when them Math geniuses were slaying the calculations without breaking a sweat.  Meanwhile, I was developing kidney stones trying to put the letters and numbers of one equation from the left side of the equal sign to the right.  

This was when I realized that that the real smart people were the ones who were good with Math because it is the universal language and the language of the future.  These smart classmates of mine did not even have to review about the topic: they just look at the problem/equation and they instantly get what it meant.  They solved the problems immediately- no memorization involved, just basic deductions and understanding.  Me? I had to ask help from my smarter and kinder classmates so that I could understand the meaning of X.  Or the parabola, or the tangents and such. 

 

It was blessing in disguise, but a contradiction nonetheless, that the subject only carried minimal weight in the calculations of final grades which determined who would have top honors of the class.  You know which subject had more the weight than Math? T.H.E.  Home economics.  Shop.  You can drop a big Meme here with the initials “WTF?” just about now.  Why did it have more weight than Mathematics, which was the foundation of science?  Why was building a box out of bamboo or sewing a dress with ruffles had more leverage in determining the Valedictorian of the class? More than the subject that would help determine the speed of a ball being thrown at a ninety degree angle from a distance of here to the next person who would piss me off?  I guess making something out of nothing was considered normal and more important than calculating things like, maybe an asteroid hitting earth in the near future.  Or building the next A.I. or nuclear bomb that would wipe out mankind so we could reset this world.  

 

In high school, most of my Math teachers were not really very helpful.  One of them, the one that stood out in my memory because of her very famous facial feature- a Cyrano De Bergerac nose, only taught trigonometry to her favorite student sitting on front of the class, Rex, who happened to be smart with numbers.  Basically, Ms. Bergerac was simply teaching the subject to someone who already knew it very well.  She never asked the rest of the class if we understood the topic because I can assure you that most of us would always had this perplexed, perhaps even constipated look on our faces every time she introduced a new topic.  She was only talking to Rex and the blackboard.  All it took was a smile and a nod from him and she was already satisfied with her teaching skills- goal achieved.  For her, one student knowing how to solve a problem was enough to make her a very good Math teacher.   

As for the rest of us, we just sat in silence, hoping that in one way or another, the Math gods would make sensible calculations and bless us with a better teacher in order to survive high school.  

 

In college, the fear of getting a failing mark made me strive hard to pass my basic Math requirements.  I always looked at my glass half-empty, sometimes really empty as if there were only a few drops left and I was on the brink of dehydration in the middle of Sahara, because I needed to think that I would be kicked out of school due to my horrible Math grades.  This had to be my mind-set.  I would beat myself really hard during exams and I would always practice solving problems non-stop so I could get used to the process.   

I hated Math problems because they were not my own.  It was somebody else’s.  Why should I worry about them?  But I had to do it because the system told me to do so.  This is the classic case of minding your own business not being applicable because most Math problems are everyone’s problems, the whole class, in fact.   

I did not fail any of my Math subjects in elementary, high school and college, fortunately.  I failed something else, believe it or not, out of laziness. (That’s a story for another day).  

I do have to admit though that there was some satisfaction knowing that I was able to solve an equation.  Do you ever get that gut feeling of gratification after solving one?   That particular feeling only happens when your answer is correct.  And you will know it when it’s correct.   Your senses will also tell you if you messed up the whole formula.  That Math-gut feeling. 

If I am given a choice, like a life and death Sophie’s choice situation, and someone would ask me what type of Math I can tolerate, I’d say Chemistry.  I had a great teacher in Chemistry in high school and she listened to each and every one who did not understand things about what she was talking about.  She was very patient and kind.  But then, you’d argue, Chemistry is not Math, but I’d say, it also involves numbers.   

Fine.  Algebra then.  But that’s my limit.  I cannot go any further than that.   

I was able to find my X’s, most of the time, successfully, but with reluctance.    

 

Come to think of it, maybe X doesn’t want to be found that’s why she keeps getting lost.  Let’s just leave her alone then.  As well as the other letters of the alphabet.  I just wish that X doesn’t bring others down along the way- I’m looking at you Y.   You don’t have to intersect with X to complete your equation.  Just keep being You. Don’t ask me Y. 

 

February 13, 2022

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